Sarah Pekkanen is born in New York City, arriving so quickly that doctors have no time to give her mother painkillers. This is the last time Sarah ever arrives for anything earlier than expected. Her mother still harbors a slight grudge.
Sarah's family moves to Bethesda, Maryland, where Sarah, along with a co-author, writes a book entitled "Miscellaneous Tales and Poems." Shockingly, publishers do not leap upon this literary masterpiece. Sarah sends a sternly-worded letter to publishers asking them to respond to her manuscript. Sarah no longer favors Raggedy Ann stationery, although she is sure it impressed top New York publishers.
Sarah's parents are hauled into her elementary school to see first-hand the shocking condition of her desk. Sarah's parents stare, open-mouthed, at the crumpled pieces of paper, broken pencils, and old notebooks crowding Sarah's desk. Sarah's organization skills have since improved. Slightly.
After college, Sarah begins work as a journalist, covering Capitol Hill. Unfortunately, Sarah cannot understand the thick drawls of the U.S. Senators from Alabama, resulting in many unintentional misquotes. Sarah is groped by one octogenarian politician, sumo-bumped off a subway car by Ted Kennedy, and unsuccessfully sued by the chief of staff to a corrupt U.S. Congresswoman. Sarah also works briefly as an on-air correspondent for e! Entertainment Network, until the e! producers realize that Capitol Hill isn't, by any stretch of the imagination, what one might call sexy.
Sarah marries Glenn Reynolds, completing her rebellion against her father, who told her never to become a writer or marry a lawyer.
Sarah takes a job at Gannett New Service/USAToday, covering Capitol Hill. Sarah is assigned to cover the White House Correspondents Dinner and ride in the Presidential motorcade to the dinner. Sarah convinces a White House aide to let her stick her head out of the limousine moon-roof during the ride and wave to onlookers. Later, her triumph is tempered by the fact that bouncers will not allow her into the Vanity Fair after-party. Sarah attempts entry three times in case the bouncers were just kidding.
Sarah takes a job writing features for the Baltimore Sun, and interviews the actor who played Greg Brady. She refrains from asking if he really made out with Marcia, but just barely.
Sarah and Glenn's son Jackson is born. He arrives too quickly for Sarah to receive painkillers, and Sarah is pretty sure she sees her mother smirking. When Glenn puts a loving hand on Sarah's shoulder during the throes of labor, Sarah decides the most expedient way to get Glenn to remove his hand is to bite it, hard. She is proved right.
Twenty months later, Sarah and Glenn's son Will is born. Three weeks later, Sarah and Glenn move into a new home and renovate the kitchen. Two weeks later, Glenn catches pneumonia and simultaneously starts a new job. Ten days after the kitchen renovation is complete, the kitchen catches fire, and Sarah, Glenn and family move to a hotel while renovation begins anew. Sarah and Glenn decide to work on their "timing" issues.
Having left her journalism job to chase around the ever-active Jack and Will, Sarah starts writing a column for Bethesda Magazine and begins work on a novel. She does not write it on Raggedy Ann stationery.
Sarah signs with fabulous agent Victoria Sanders, who sells the book, titled The Opposite of Me, to editor Greer Hendricks at Atria, an imprint of Simon & Schuster (oh, if only it were that easy - but Sarah is prohibiting any mention of the times she nearly hurled her computer across the room in frustration or wrote entire chapters that were far inferior to those in Miscellaneous Tales and Poems). Sarah rejoices with a glass of sparkling apple juice - yep, knocked up again.
Italian, Dutch, Spanish and German language rights are sold for The Opposite of Me. Simon & Schuster also plans to publish in Australia. Sarah downs her weight in chocolate in celebration.
Sarah gives birth to a bouncing baby boy, Dylan, and celebrates the birth of her novel - and gets a little weepy every time she contemplates her good luck.
And here's the humiliating story of how Sarah got a literary agent. Learn from her (big) mistake!
